I have been living in Singapore for 10 weeks and I have just collected my fifth identity card. It seems like if one fails I just move onto the next one until somebody accepts me.
It all started with the Employment Pass and declaring all my qualifications in degrees and where I normally live and so on ad infinitum. This is good because I can legally work in Singapore and, the best bit, I can walk straight through passport control in the 'Residents' channel with a smug look on my face waving to the hoards of waiting in line impatient Australian tourists.
Next was the security pass for the apartment (condo sounds too grand, but that's what it is called in Singapore). I need that to get in and out the gates to go to the beach, as well as my front door.
After that I needed a security pass to enter the fitness centre, but, the management are not happy with that alone because you have swap it for yet another pass to open the door to the fitness centre. It is also strictly forbidden to lend your card to another and could lead to a withdrawal of facilities. I was accused of that on day one! I should be so lucky to know somebody here well enough to even think about lending the pass to.
Fourth on the list is the 'Ez link' card. OK it isn't a security card but a 'cashless card' to travel on the rail and buses. This is a great idea and works really well when you see hundreds of people going through the gates at the station. Something I'm sure is long overdue in England. However, I was not impressed with the advert on my card which celebrates 'Giving Seniors Choices'. I think the ticket clerk was having a laugh when he gave me that one. Cheeky Git!
But save the best till last. After two months I am now the proud owner of a Singapore airport security pass. I'm not sure I can ask why it took two months to come through, in case they think it is one question too many.
Actually collecting it was a comedy of errors on my part, not helped really by the distant location of the airport police station. I needed a taxi to take me there costing a rip off S$10 for the one mile journey. Then I had to pay S$7 to get the pass but they wouldn't accept cash and I had ask someone if they could pay for me on their bank card in exchange for hard cash. How embarrassing is that in this day and age? But at least it opened up a conversation with the kind gentleman who took sympathy on me and we passed a pleasant half hour telling our tall tales of 'airport security incidents' from around the world. Eventually I was called into what was signed the 'photo studio' for a mug shot and immediately fell over the step they cunningly placed to catch out idiots like me that can't read the sign that says 'Mind the Step'. By this time I was almost losing control especially as the 'photographer' in his 'photo studio' took my picture on a cheap Fuji point and shoot digital camera! The photo isn't bad actually, if I say so myself, but I decided not to ask for a copy in case the 'photograher' felt the need to use the gun strapped to his belt. At last a bit of common sense on my part.
So by looking on the bright side my luck started to change and my new friend, Vincent, drove back to T2 without me having to find a bus or taxi. What a palaver!
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