Marriage for Aliens - Part One



Sometimes I do feel like I am from another planet



Khamma and I decided to get married in January 2010 whilst we travelled to Bangkok to sort out Khamma's UK visa.  We thought that once we had submitted her re-newal application and she had attended the interview, we could set about uncoiling the bureaucratic red tape and jump through the administration hoops of both Thai and UK governments to obtain the necessary paperwork allowing us to marry.  Why not?

Actually it wasn't that difficult.  We had already learned that a high degree of subserviance is required when applying for visas.  They (UK Border Agency) have what we want (the visa), therefore if they say the application must be written in the ink from a China Sea octopus, then, in my humble opinion, so be it.

The process required a personal visit to the British Embassy in Bangkok with my divorce paper.  Next day the Embassy had produced a certificate testifying my eligibility to marry.  All very straightforward, but time consuming and in English.  The next step is to translate the certificate into Thai for registration with the Thai authorities.  This is where the fun begins.

The area immediately around the Embassy is awash with tiny offices offering translation services.  We did not have wait long before the office tout ambushed us as we appeared from behind the heavy armoured plated door of the Embassy.  On the basis that one office is as much the same as another, non of which meet any standards, we plumped for the first tout.  He guided us, rather gushingly I thought, to a pokey little office with two rooms and a small reception area.  In one of the rooms I could see another farang and his girl discussing visas with a second tout who was giddy with expectation of trapping a farang and relieving him of lots of bhat for a process that, as I discovered, only requires finding ink from a China Sea octopus.  Still I am speaking on the smug side of success, so let it be.

Our tout quickly dispatched the certificate for translation and he then set about convincing us that the registration process was difficult, time consuming, requiring multi visits to the Thai government office and, because I cannot speak Thai and neither of us is familar with the process, we would be better off paying him to do it.  It would take only two days and cost 8,000 bhat - about £160.  I politely declined his generous offer, stating we have plenty of time and actually quite enjoy the adventure.  The reality was we only just had enough time, we both prefer to do better things than hang around offices all day, but, more truthfully we could spend that sort of money on essentials for the house.  I couldn't blame him for trying.

Our decision to go it alone was made.

We took a taxi to the government offices, somewhere well out of the centre of the city.  Luckily the sun was shining so I knew we travelling south east, I think.  Unfortunately the taxi driver did not know one building from another, so we picked out the biggest and started from there.  Inside was a space so vast it difficult to even estimate how vast. It was the vastest space I have ever been in, with the exception of the launch preparation building for the Apollo space missions!  This country never ceases to amaze me!



Thai Government Offices - look carefully for the people near the trees!

Eventually we found the correct office.  There was a demoralising queue of people and our worst fears that this would take a long time started to become real.  Nevertheless we handed over the certificates, filled out more forms, made our humble thanks with genuine smiles and were told to come back after lunch. 

There are many great things about Thailand and food is one of them.  The ability of Thai chefs to produce high quality fresh food in cramped conditions, in the quantities demanded at a very cheap price is beyond me.  Lunch was excellent!

We wandered back to the waiting area and after about 30 minutes, my name was called out.  This amusing when English people try to pronounce my name, but can you imagine a Thai contorting and twisting her jaw at the same time as pursing her lips and tongue into positions never before explored in public!  We were presented with another certificate stating that we were both free to marry each other whenever we wished.  It was a joyous moment, almost like being married in its way, because it was hurdle we had cleared together in our committment to each other. The next step was to decide when to tie the knot.

We talked about how much the tout wanted to charge, and wondered why we shouldn't set up our own agency to help farangs in the same situation.  Never mind - up to them was Khamma's response as we travelled back to town with a smug smile of satisfaction of a job well done and the bonus of a day to spare. 

Next - The Wedding Day - we did it our way.