Before I arrived in Singapore I had little idea of the seemingly endless list of its 'Laws of the Land'. There are bizarre rules about not being able to urinate in lifts, it is illegal to be in possession of chewing gum, there is zero tolerance about dropping litter and not only are the fines hefty, there is the public humiliation of offenders having to pick litter as part of a community service sentance wearing a day-glo vest proclaiming that you are a 'litter offender'. You are required to flush the toilet after using it, you can face deportation if you carry a pocket knife, you face a whipping from the cane if you swear at a female and so it goes on.
When you stop for a moment to consider these rules and you look underneath the surface of Singapore you begin to realise that it is because everybody takes the law so seriously it has become a great place to live. There is no litter, no graffiti, no stray dogs, no chewing gum splodges on the pavement. There are very clean toilets, politeness to everybody that often results in a warm smile and maybe a kind word from a stranger! Of course there is crime like everywhere else, but it is safe. This country is only forty two years old with a high immigrant population and many foreign ethnic groups all managing to live together cheek by colourful jowl. Different faiths, Muslim, Hindu, Christian, Taoist. Everybody gets on with their business and I can vouch that even in the deepest back waters of Little India or the alleyways of China Town I have never been eye balled suspiciously, threatened or made to feel unwelcome. In fact it is the opposite.
When I compare this to my home town in England I am perplexed by the chewing gum splodges outside the Spar supermarket, the fly tipping, the offensive graffiti, the smelly public toilets, the litter, the youth shouting offensive expletives, the feeling of being on your guard as you walk down the street past the bus shelter with its under aged drinkers and smokers. Yes we do have similar rules of society in the UK but we don't have the strength of our convictions in handing out the punishment.
This is Singapore's Common Sense and successful approach to managing a diverse multi-racial population. Tolerant whilst encouraging moderate behaviour but ruthless in dealing with the deviation. If you don't like it - tough; punishment then extradition of foreigners, serious correction for the Singaporean. Last week a Singaporean male was jailed for six months for grabbing and kissing the hand of a 19 year old girl he did not know. He was convicted because he had outraged the modesty of the young girl. The law is there so you had better observe it.
But under pinning this 'Common Sense' approach to society is a raft of 'Nanny State' observances. For example in the Bayshore Park hawker centre (cheap eating) you cannot bring in pets or animals, no smoking, no rollerblades, no skate boards, no bicycles. On the buses your senses are invaded by the no eating, no drinking, no durian (a smelly fruit), no smoking, give up your seat to the elderly, the infirm, the pregnant and those with babies. On the train it's the same as the bus but you are also reminded not to carry gas cylinders or inflammable liquid, keep clear of the doors, mind the platform gap, don't jump on the track, don't sit on the wall. Then there are the announcements 'For your safety please stay behind the yellow line', 'report suspicious packages', 'the train arriving at the middle platform is not for boarding!' In the airport its mind the wet floor, beware of 'work in progress', do not study in this facility (school kids prefer to study in the airport rather than the local library!), 'please hold onto the hand rail, the train is approaching'. Is it totally necessary? That is a question from me coming from a society where people do not heed these basic rules; where seats are not willingly given up to the elderly, where kids do play on the railway tracks, where youth is threatening, where litter advertising McDonald's, Burger King or Golden Wonder crisps drifts in the winds of the inner city streets. Where graffiti embarrasses parents, where the state of the toilets on trains are a disgrace. Where people stick two fingers up in the air and tell you where to go. In Singapore these signs and notices are social reminders, they are ubiquitous, they invade your consciousness, but, the result makes it a good place to be. It makes civility.
Through all this Utopian ideology there are a few Singaporean surprises that almost defines their sense of humour. Singapore's shophouses are a great attraction because they are small, each one has character, quaintness. But they were built in a time when Singapore was not a nation unto itself, before the town planner, before the shopping mall. The low roofs and narrow door ways make it an obstacle course to negotiate, and to the absent minded pedestrian missing the sudden step on the narrow pavement can be a painful experience. No such warning signs here as I can testify when last week I fell head first into a shop window managing to break my specs and cut my eye brow. (I would like to thank the several people who came to my assistance as I got back to my feet, gathered my dignity and realised I was getting too old to throw myself around like this, and special thanks to the lovely off duty nurse who patched me up - all Singaporean). Another surprise is the law that makes it illegal to walk around naked in your own home. I'm sure somebody is having a giggle over that one.
But the biggest surprise I can muster is the existance of the Ministry for Appropriate Behaviour. Apparently, according to at least one public notice, this department (is it a quango?) exists to protect Singaporeans from the evils of the outside world, particularly the sins and deprivation of the Internet and satellite television. Take a look at the picture and see for yourself.
When I mentioned this to my Singaporean colleagues I realised that the joke was on me, but with all these Common Sense and the Nanny State guide lines I believed somebody was out there watching out for me. Maybe they are.
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