Singapore's Techno Cards

I have been living in Singapore for 10 weeks and I have just collected my fifth identity card. It seems like if one fails I just move onto the next one until somebody accepts me.

It all started with the Employment Pass and declaring all my qualifications in degrees and where I normally live and so on ad infinitum. This is good because I can legally work in Singapore and, the best bit, I can walk straight through passport control in the 'Residents' channel with a smug look on my face waving to the hoards of waiting in line impatient Australian tourists.

Next was the security pass for the apartment (condo sounds too grand, but that's what it is called in Singapore). I need that to get in and out the gates to go to the beach, as well as my front door.

After that I needed a security pass to enter the fitness centre, but, the management are not happy with that alone because you have swap it for yet another pass to open the door to the fitness centre. It is also strictly forbidden to lend your card to another and could lead to a withdrawal of facilities. I was accused of that on day one! I should be so lucky to know somebody here well enough to even think about lending the pass to.

Fourth on the list is the 'Ez link' card. OK it isn't a security card but a 'cashless card' to travel on the rail and buses. This is a great idea and works really well when you see hundreds of people going through the gates at the station. Something I'm sure is long overdue in England. However, I was not impressed with the advert on my card which celebrates 'Giving Seniors Choices'. I think the ticket clerk was having a laugh when he gave me that one. Cheeky Git!

But save the best till last. After two months I am now the proud owner of a Singapore airport security pass. I'm not sure I can ask why it took two months to come through, in case they think it is one question too many.

Actually collecting it was a comedy of errors on my part, not helped really by the distant location of the airport police station. I needed a taxi to take me there costing a rip off S$10 for the one mile journey. Then I had to pay S$7 to get the pass but they wouldn't accept cash and I had ask someone if they could pay for me on their bank card in exchange for hard cash. How embarrassing is that in this day and age? But at least it opened up a conversation with the kind gentleman who took sympathy on me and we passed a pleasant half hour telling our tall tales of 'airport security incidents' from around the world. Eventually I was called into what was signed the 'photo studio' for a mug shot and immediately fell over the step they cunningly placed to catch out idiots like me that can't read the sign that says 'Mind the Step'. By this time I was almost losing control especially as the 'photographer' in his 'photo studio' took my picture on a cheap Fuji point and shoot digital camera! The photo isn't bad actually, if I say so myself, but I decided not to ask for a copy in case the 'photograher' felt the need to use the gun strapped to his belt. At last a bit of common sense on my part.

So by looking on the bright side my luck started to change and my new friend, Vincent, drove back to T2 without me having to find a bus or taxi. What a palaver!

Making rice

Of course growing rice is one thing and harvesting it is another, but the third important stage is milling. It hadn't occurred to me how this process is carried out, I suppose I just assumed it appeared out of nowhere.

Khamma and I were walking to 'Owerrrouse' one day and I commented on the loud engine noise coming out of a large shed along the way. 'Oh, that's the make rice, tirak' and we ventured inside. We found the milling machine and it appeared as an amazing array of belts, pulleys and hoppers. I tried to figure out how it worked but it wasn't easy.

Roughly speaking the dried rice seeds are poured into the tray on the right, and then they drop onto the sieve below which is filtering out the odd bit of straw. They then flow through the rectangular tube into the draw and at this point I think the seeds are vacuumed up to the top of the machine.

The seeds are then dropped into the right hand compartment of the tray in the central part of the machine and flow down through a series of sieves where the chaff is separated. It appears that the seeds then go back up into the left hand compartment of the tray and flow down again to separate the seeds by size.

It was a little difficult to interpret how all this happens. You can see in the picture that the rice finally falls into one of two buckets. The one on the left takes normal sized seeds and the one on the right very small rice seeds, like sago. The chaff is collected in another bucket and is used to feed the pigs.

The machine is used as a co-operative and everybody can take turns in using it to mill their own rice and bag it up ready for market.

The owner of the machine keeps it running with spare parts and lots of love, care and attention, and the user has to by the fuel. The sound of the diesel engine brought a smile to my face and the pulley belts without guards and protection was another reminder of the differences between nanny state England and rural Thailand.

The finished rice is bagged and stored for eating by the family, but if there is surplus it is sold at the wholesale market in Ubon Ratchathani. In theory it could end up in Tesco's - now there's a thought to ponder as you eat your chicken chow mein!

This year with the price of rice tripling on the open market it is more crucial than ever that the harvest is successful. If it fails then all the families in Thamuang will have to buy their rice and this will severely test the finances. To try and combat this Khamma's mama has literally bulldozed the trees and undergrowth from a few more acres of land to create yet more rice fields. They have also employed itinerant workers to plant out the seedlings to improve productivity (hopefully). So far the rains have ensured the seedlings have got off to a good start so the there is confidence of a plentiful harvest. To sell more on the open market would boost the coffers. There are also the potatoes to 'chip in' to the income, but this is more unknown because it is the first year they have tried to grow them in bulk. It will be November or early December when the harvest begins for both crops.

Close to nature, the rain, pig's trotters and white dog poo!

A short, sharp shower is never far away at this time of year!

You are never very far away from nature in Thamuang. The village is surrounded by fertile lands and water is abundant from excessive rainfall, river or rice fields. This supports a wide variety of wild life and over the last few visits I have taken a few photographs of the little critters that happen across my path. I'm sure if I made a concerted effort I could become the next Richard Attenborough.

Snake spotted near 'Owerrrouse'

Lizard spotted in 'Owerrrouse'

Butterfly spotted at the temple

It isn't obvious at first but a lot of the nature is also a source of food. Much of the wildlife is eaten and in many cases it is out of necessity because many people in the area are poor and have to supplement their food with frogs, ant eggs, bamboo shoots and mushrooms. The bamboo shoots and mushrooms are tasty and Khamma's trained eyes can spot delicacies a mile off. As for the critters I always pass on to the next!
A big bug that Khamma says is very tasty and a good source of protein. I will stick to coconut yogurt thanks!


Another delicacy is ant eggs. These are found in nests high up in the trees and are 'harvested' in the early evening when the ants are presumably getting ready for bed!

Almost every other house in the village sells something or other, and I have my favourites mainly based on the friendliness of the shopkeeper. I took these photos at the shop where we go to get breakfast drinks and ice for the builders of 'Owerrrouse'. A pig's ear and a pair of trotters. If I'm not mistaken you cannot buy these in England anymore either because the nanny state of New Labour says it's bad for us, or there isn't a demand. They don't care either way in Thamuang - 'Up to you!' they shout in unison.






The village is home to many dogs. Some are much closer to death than others and it seems cruel that one in particular near to Khamma's house lops around with the mange and the look of expectation of a better life next time around in it's colourless eyes . I call it Dead Dog Walking. But it is noticeable that the resident dog poo is white in colour. Have you ever noticed that dog poo nowadays in the Nanny State isn't white? That's because we don't let dogs chew, suck or knaw at bones anymore. Why? Is there a shortage of good bones or does the government deem it dangerous? They let the dogs do what they want to do in Thamuang and the result is white poo - easy to spot and avoid putting your foot in it as well!

Latest news from Thamuang

What a fantastic weekend I have had in Thamuang. But first a progress report on the house.
The bad news is another breach of the 'make tall' wall after heavy rain last Thursday. It seems that all the soil Khamma was moving for most of previous week did not have time to settle and the sheer volume of water had to find somewhere to go. The weakest point in the wall was soon under pressure and eventually cracked and buckled. It is repairable but very disappointing and Khamma was not slow in making her feelings known to the builder. Anybody who has been on the wrong end of a Thai lady's 'yak yak' will know exactly what I mean.
So now the good news. I was eager to see the windows after all the excitement of the last visit and I was very pleased that they give exactly the right effect for a sublime view over the rice fields. The bedrooms are good and roomy with lots of light and fresh air. The upstairs bathroom is still in the process of having tiles fitted so that is a mess. The staircase has been fitted and it is a 'San the builder man' special with the hallmarks that can only be found in an original hand made work of art. Each step has character and a feel under foot that lets you know that this masterpiece cannot be found in any English B&Q.

Downstairs the floor has been concreted and is ready for the tiles. The bathroom tiling is amazing and the precision, care and dedication the tilers are putting into their work is excellent. The kitchen has been constructed but needs the floor, walls and roof finishing before it can be fitted. San is currently putting on the shutters to the windows. We have decided not to have glass because of the heat but instead to have shutter like doors and they look pretty good.
The main purpose of my visit was to sort out the kitchen fittings and to buy the bath. So it was off to Ubon Watsadoo (Ubon is the town near to Thamuang and 'watsadoo' is Thai for building materials). But this place is no B&Q and is quite an experience. The sheer size of the place probably covers the same area as Manchester United's ground. We were soon pounced on by an 'attentive attendant' who turned out to be quite good and he directed us to an impressive display of spa baths similar to Jacuzzis. This was enough for me and I went into 'must have' mode and suddenly ordinary baths did not seem fit for purpose. That and price made it that once in a lifetime moment. Next was the kitchen and our 'attentive attendant' was having a field day and took no persauding to make a site visit. He arrived with a tempting top of the range presentation that is irresistible, especially to the lady of the house. Now it was Khamma's turn to have a 'must have moment'.
So after some thought we confirmed the order and then before anybody could change their mind it was being delivered on the back of Khamma's cousin's small lorry. I felt like the 'Beverley Hillbillies' leaving town and heading up the road towards Thamuang singing;

'Let me tell you of story about a man named Ged, A poor mountaineer barely kept the family fed, and then one day as he's shootin at some food, up from the ground comes a bubblin crude!'

After we had unloaded in the pitch black we looked out from the windows to a far distant electrical storm with lightening flashes lighting up the night sky every few seconds. Directly above us we could see the Plough, Orion and a host of other stars. There was sound of frogs croaking and a gentle warm breeze was blowing off the fields. It really was that good!
The next day we moved about 6 doors, 20 more window shutters and countless floor tiles from Khamma's mother's house and I was truly impressed with the effort and hard work Khamma is putting into this project. Nothing gets in the way of her determination to get things done.
Finally we have a name for the house, and it came out of a little joke on different accents and sayings. Khamma always refers to the house as 'our home', so I started saying 'our house'. Those of you familiar with the north west of England will recognise this as being natural, but when said by a Thai it comes out as 'owerrrouse' with the emphasis on the rolling 'r'.

That's it, we live in 'Owerrrouse'.

This is the view from the balcony at the front of Owerrrouse. Good init?

Update on the house

I'm not certain what the exact progress is but I do know Khamma has been moving 'din' (soil) for the last four or five days. Where it is going to and what its purpose is I do not know and cannot imagine. There must be a new mountain in northern Thailand by now. I believe the ground floors have been laid and I think the staircase is in place. I am not sure what stage the kitchen is at, but I do know the electrician was wiring the bedrooms today. What do I know? Nothing by the sound of it!
However, rice planting is now in full swing so house building is a low priority for the next three days. I arrive in the village on Thursday and I am very excited to see the progress from last time and if it matches up to what I think Khamma has telling me.

A trip to the island of Pulau Ubin

This small island is only a short journey from where I live but far enough to test my skill at the Singapore transport system. It's one thing getting the MRT to the airport everyday, but clearly something different catching a bus to somewhere I have not heard of or been to. My guide as ever is the Lonely Planet and over the years their guidebooks have been quiet good and at least most things are where they say they are. Today was different I'm afraid and the good folks of LP should listen up and amend their guide. There are three ferry terminals in Changi and I visited all of them before finding the one I wanted, and the bus 29 has been taken off the schedule! However once I got there all was well with the world and I boarded the curiously named 'bum boat'. This is a chugging diesel engined boat and several of them ply back and forth between Changi and the island.

The island is 5 miles across by 1 mile wide and is reminiscent of the 1960's Singapore before it was modernised. The resident population of about 100 is swollen by day trippers like me but surprisingly everybody seems to fan out once you leave the main square.

Pulau Ubin has pristen mangrove swamps and several traditionally built kampong stilted houses as well as coffee plantations, quarries, prawn farms, rubber plantations, temples and shrines and an abundance of wildlife from pythons to insect eating plants. So there is much to see!

I rented a rickety bike for S$5 (£2) and it sweaked and creaked as I travelled west following the suggested route in my trusted LP guide. I was soon distracted by an old Chinese Buddhist temple and spent a few moments reflecting on the goodness in life when I was jolted out of my meditation by a taxi knocking over the bike, almost running over it and driving off. So much for goodness in the world, still his negative karma rating will have taken a hit! Bhudda saw the whole incident.

Anyway no damage and I cycled off again down the increasingly pleasant lanes. The main thing to watch for is falling coconuts.

Another diversion to climb up to the highest point of land in the whole of Singapore. It isn't as spectacular as Mont Blanc at sunrise or the Grand Canyon at sunset, but it's there! This is the view from the top: you can see Malaya in the far background. )I hope the Powsers Mountaineering Club appreciate the effort of another peak bagged!).

This is a picture of a butterfly who was also taking in the view:

I spotted a lizard and was wary of pythons but didn't see any.

The LP guide was proving quite good and I was making progress to visit the Wat Suwankiyiwanaram, which is apparently a Thai Buddhist temple with some interesting art work and resident monks. Sadly it has been raised to the ground and is now probably part of another land reclamation programme.

I ventured further in heat and found the German Girl Shrine. This is a bit of an odd story that started after World War 1 when the British troops defeated the Germans and started to round up German citizens. The girl, who is nameless, fell to her death in a quarry. Her body was discovered by Chinese labourers who covered her with sand but then, eventually, buried her properly. The site of the grave was subsequently required for land development so the remains were put in a urn and a small shrine was built where the urn rested. Gradually she became a Taoist symbol and many Chinese believers to this day seek good health and fortune by visiting the shrine. The thing is there are no remains in the urn. The original was stolen a few years ago along with the contents.

On the way back to the ferry I passed the prawn farm;

And finally a fetching photo of the bride at the ferry;

There is still the other half of the island to see, so I will return.

Signs and notices

I am the first to compliment the many people I work with who can effortlessly speak English as a second language. It is sometimes embarrassing to hear how good they are compared to my complete ineptitude to understand anything other than noise when tuning in to 'local' conversations.

Khamma completely underestimates her skill in speaking English. We have some fantastic conversations (in English) and we are often on the phone for an hour talking about different things. She learns from speaking to me and reading Thai - English books. She has improved tremendously over the last few months. I can utter a few words in Thai, some of which Khamma can just about understand, but if I speak to any of the family they just pass the phone back to Khamma and probably say something like 'It's about time he started speaking proper Thai, can't understand a flamin word. Here you speak to him, he's hopeless!'.

Just like in England there are many dialects in Thailand, and Khamma speaks in an Isaan dialect that is heavily influenced by Laoatian (from Laos which is about 30 miles away). I cottoned on to this so thought it was only right to teach her some words from Manchester. It is funny to hear her say 'Hey Up!' as in 'Hello how are you today!' and 'Ourouse' as in 'Well I'll go to our house', in which she magnificently rolls her R's so it sounds like 'Ourrrouse'.

Anyway in my travels around Singapore and Asia I have noticed a few misguided translations and some amusing notices:

Seen in Singapore - where they apparently apologise for working! You wouldn't see this in the UK. Just look at the submissive way 'the worker' is standing.

I won't be going here if they say they are that bad! Seen in Singapore.

I can only imagine what this is about. Free delivery (ease of passage I wonder) and the 'perfect solution'. Seen in Singapore.

I don't know either. Seen in Beijing.

I think I know what they mean, but you could starve to death first couldn't you? Seen in Thailand.

Update on the house

As far as I can work out the main thrust of work this week has been concentrating on making the three bedrooms upstairs and tiling the floor and walls in the downstairs bathroom. There has been some effort spent on making the kitchen, but how much I don't know. I know the outside rendering has been painted (what colour?) and the inside staircase will not go until the last minute otherwise it will be damaged. My guess is that they're working on the plumbing and electrics as well, but what do I know?

Khamma tells me that work will stop on the 15 June for a few days because the builders have to go and work in the rice fields to plant out this year's seedlings. This will take two or three days but we are still on schedule for an 18 July grand finish.

The 'make tall' wall still hasn't been repaired and it has been raining a lot again this week. I hope I am fussing over nothing but they re-assure me the house isn't going to float away or fall down.

Wanderings round Singapore

Armed with the latest Lonely Planet guide I have explored Little India and the Geylang / Katong areas of Singapore.

They are very different from glitzy Orchard Road and downtown areas with each one having its own special cultural atmosphere with ethnic food, temples and businesses. Little India has more to see than Geylang / Katong and it is certainly a lot more busy. Serangoon Road has gold shops interspersed with shops selling cheap clothes and everything in between. Occasionally a temple appears and within there is a calmness from the hustle and bustle outside that could be Delhi. This picture is from the Sri Srinivasa Perumal Temple. It shows that even in different cultures and religions there is an element of feminism where it is said women can do more than one job at a time. This Goddess has nine pairs of hands and can brew tea and cut wood at the same time. Perfect.

The Little India temple of shopping is called the Mustafa Centre and is dedicated to the God of Consumerism selling electrical goods, clothes and thousands of other things. It is open 24 hours every day, it's packed all the time, and it's full of things I realised I don't need or want.

I visited a Buddhist temple called the Sakaya Muni Buddha Gaya. It is a fairly pleasant place but lacks the solemnity and atmosphere of the temple in Thamuang. It is actually a different 'branch' of Buddhism and the temple was built around 1930. The Buddha statue is made from 300 tonnes of concrete and relatively pleasant to look at.

Just across the road is another Buddhist temple but much darker and a different mood altogether. It turned out to be a small monastery and a place to remember the deceased. A bit like a Buddhist garden of remembrance. I got chatting to a Singaporean man who had dropped in on his way to work. He gave me some cd's on Buddhism and kindly took me to another temple which is much more active and devoted to Tibetan Buddhism. One thing about Buddhists is that they are very friendly and helpful!

Many of the streets in Little India have 'shop houses' where the ground floor is the shop and the upper floor is the home. These are Singapore's architectural heritage and quite a contrast of the modern downtown and the tendency for other Asian capitals to tear down the old buildings and build new. The first picture is of a shophouse built around 1840, and the one below is a style from around the 1930's.

The Geylang / Katong area is said to be reminiscent of the the 'Old Singapore'. Today it is occupied by the Malay and Straits Chinese ethnic groups. It is a bustling district but not as hemmed in as Little India and a bit less hectic. There are plenty of hawker eating centres and a few temples to look into. The picture below was taken in one of them, but the name of the place was in Chinese. However I think it has something to do with wanting to give up smoking judging by the gasping tongue of the image in the middle and the sign in the left hand corner which says; ' Please do not deposit cigarette ash on the gold body'.

Probably the highlight of the area is the Geylang Serai market which is a traditional Malay market selling fine fabrics and clothes.


I'm not sure I will be rushing back to the Geylang / Katong areas. It is very friendly like the rest of Singapore and has some fine cheap eating places and markets, but Little India offers something more unusual and interesting, and it is full of life.

Farming in Thamuang - Introducing the farang farmer

On another day Khamma decided it was time to introduce me to farming - Thai style. We walked over to a field where her brother and sister in law were cutting some rice, which is probably the 'easiest' part of farming rice! When you think about ploughing in the mud and planting in waterlogged fields then I think the cutting part is probably the easiest - but it is also back breaking. There is an obvious art to cutting so that the back ache is, shall we say, at best moderate. But back ache is back ache which ever way you look at it and this a great way to get it, extreme or moderate - 'Up to YOU!'

Without being disrespectful to Buddhist teachings I can now see why suffering has a pivotal role in finding the path to enlightenment. There is plenty of suffering in farming rice!

Top picture shows how to get serious backache, and the bottom picture shows how to get moderate backache. The Four Noble Truths of Buddhism state; To live we must suffer: Suffering is caused by craving: Suffering can be overcome: There is a path leading to the end of suffering. The rice growers noble truths are; To grow rice we must get back ache: Therefore backache is caused by rice growing: Rice growing cannot be overcome: The path leading to the end of backache is the path that leads home to the village, but no rice, therefore suffering!

Soon after the rice harvest expedition Khamma decided it was time for me to earn my keep and introduced me to the Thai way of growing potatoes. As a somewhat gardening novice my knowledge about growing potatoes is limited to just putting seedling potatoes into a composted vegetable garden, waiting a few months for them to grow, pulling them up and well, eating them. You've guessed it, not quite the same in Thailand.

I was a bit puzzled by the arrival of about five hundred 'sticks' each roughly three feet six inches in length. Khamma's mum (affectionately known as 'Mama') spent a whole day very carefully cutting them into lengths of about six or seven inches and even more carefully bundling them into piles of about thirty or forty sticks tied together with string. Hmmm! I thought. I wonder why she is being so methodical, but waited to see what would happen.

After breakfast (that's another story!) Khamma appeared in her finest potato planting gear and we set off for the potato field. The head cover is supposed to prevent the sun from making her natural dark and deep exotic, beautiful sun tan into an even darker, deeper one. (It is strange but many Thai ladies make great efforts (like the above picture) to prevent the sun from giving them a sun tan 'to die for'. They often use skin whitening creams to give the illusion they are pale. Khamma looks upon my pasty English skin tones with envy. Bliss!)

In the field I received tuition in the art of potato planting and then understood why Mama had cut the sticks so small and precisely bundled them. Each stick was planted upright, and there is a 'right side up' as opposed to an 'wrong side down'. I will have face Mama's 'yak yak' if I get it wrong. This was fairly hard work but great fun sliding about in the mud. Not as much suffering, until harvest.

Top picture - Raymond Joseph farang potato farmer. Bottom picture - Khamma, resplendent in finest potato growing attire!

Fishing Thamuang style

One day Khamma announced we were to go fishing in a small pond tucked away in a rice field quite close to where 'our home' is. My thoughts turned back to when, as a youth, I would spend countless hours with rod and line tempting the fish on the Macclesfield canal with maggots and worms. Back in Thamuang it didn't occur to me that there was little evidence of rods or line, but I had seen the odd ant's nest that was a likely candidate for some juicy bait.
When we arrived at the pond they had already started, but the only fishing tackle I could see was a water pump. Yes this is fishing Thai style - empty the pond and catch what's left.

It took about two hours to empty and then everyone jumped in to catch what ever moved, including the fish that tried to bury themselves under the bank of the pond. Even the freshwater shrimps didn't get away. Later in the evening the fish were cooked to perfection and all the family enjoyed the fresh catch with spices, vegetables and the never ending supply of rice. The shrimps could be enjoyed cooked or not, 'Up to YOU!'.